Me to me 5: So what?
My partner inspiring me to be less cynical... or whatever.
She said, “Let’s go to an ATM.” That trip then turned into an order for two pizzas. 2 bottles of water. And cash.
On this particular Sunday morning, we had decided to go plant shopping. As we turned into the shopping center, we saw a mother standing with her 3 children, holding a sign that read “Family in need.”
My own cynicism and general distrust in people bid me to keep it pushing, but my partner decided otherwise. We parked outside of the plant store and she said, “We’ve got to help them.” Next thing I knew we were in a grocery store, I had two boxes of steaming pizza in my arms (one pepperoni, one cheese), and she had rounded up golden paper plates, napkins, two big Fiji waters, and fifty dollars in cash.
I voiced my concerns. “What if we’re being taken advantage of?”
My baby responded with the gentlest, “So what?”
So what if they are taking advantage? So what if they don’t actually need the food, the water, or the money? Who are we to decide who is deserving or undeserving of care? Are we supposed to make people prove it? How many hoops do they have to jump through to prove they deserve it and where do the hoops end? And if they are taking advantage of others’ kindness, that’s on them, not us. Should it really make us any less kind?
No. (I guess [she huffs]).
My partner is not the sort of person who would give until there was nothing left, but she is a lover of others in a way that I’m envious of. And in a way that makes me fiercely protective of her (I’d be fiercely protective of her anyway, but the fact that she’s so gentle amplifies it for me). In a poem I wrote to her, there’s a line that says she has a heart big enough to hold the whole world. I truly believe that. There’s a growing part of me that yearns to be softer, wishing I could lean into that outlook more often.
So what?
Even with my cynicism, distrust, and doubt, by no means, do I think it’s foolish to be so openly giving and loving of the world – I think it’s inspirational. I wish I could. I hope to be like that one day. I’m vaguely aware (vaguely only because I’m writing this on 4 hours of sleep) somewhere in the back of my psyche that looking at folks suspiciously is meant to other, to make enemies where there could be community, to isolate where there could be connection, to keep it pushing where there could be kindness. That at best it keeps me safe, vigilant, and alone, that at worst it has been historically used to justify unspeakable harms, to attempt to eradicate an entire people. That it feeds a monster machine I’d actually love to see obliterated. There’s something in my asking if we’re being taken advantage of that reminds me of the way some people talk about welfare recipients (which my mother was, which I was). There is this outrage that they (we) may be taking advantage of a system that barely helps to begin with. I sounded like them.
And I don’t want to sound like them.
It's an aspiration to give freely. Of oneself, of one’s resources. To care to the point of gently asking, “So what?”
Beautiful story, wonderful message! I can totally relate to the reality that the world is full of players, grifters, charlatans…. and suspicion is often warranted. But what can you do but trust your own judgment, and hope that when you reach out to help, it’s genuinely needed. And if you happen to be mistaken - so what! Love it!